Tuesday, January 13, 2009

limping toward Nirvana

I am not what you would call a spiritual person.

I've tried.


Many times, over and over, and by golly, I just don't care for new age stuff, at all.
No interest, no desire.

I don't feel alone, I don't desire guidance, or love from someone above me or beyond me, I do not care what happens when I die.

Don't get me wrong, I have strong passions around social justice issues I simply do not relate them with otherworldly & spiritual values.

I am happy for folks that find happiness in it, but it isn't for me. I have very little desire to be saved, to be rescued, reformed or otherwise spiffied up.

So I am now working in a place, where spirituality plays a big role.

It sometimes feels hard to relate.
Like now.
Like tomorrow when I have to attend a meeting with a consultant that comes from a quasi spiritual/newage perspective, that sounds like complete hooey to me.
I hafta try to keep an open mind, lest this person read my aura or my tea leaves and deem me unsuitable for work.
I have this fear of my gigantic unnewageiness being sniffed out and exposed like an open sore, and looking all naked in front of everyone.
I don't want to do
standing meditation, I don't want my body or posture or frown to be judged and my worth as an employee measured by my physical fitness.
I don't want some
Nietzsche quoting, martial arts doing dude, figuring me out.
I wish to remain a mystery to myself and most other people.

If I go and sit in the corner and sulk, it will be too easy, like handing him a big gift. If I act all interested then I feel like a big liar. so there you have it, the absurdities of modern life.
Clearly my only option is to win the lottery.

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea you weren't spiritual. I like the way you sum it up. And the title of the entry is just priceless