I hate clothes shopping.
I usually go at the eleventh hour, when I have to have something special for a specific occasion, otherwise I shop online at this place, where they make everything to order and take it back nicely if you hate it, all from the comfort of your own home.
I bought Rolf a blazer for Christmas, and when he tried it on he noticed that the pockets were sewn shut.
When I attempted to unsew them, we found that they were FAKE POCKETS!
Rolf like to carry a lot of crap around with him at all times, and cannot leave home without pockets, so back to the shop the blazer had to go.
I also needed to return an outfit that was given to Freya that was too small.
So off to the mall I went.
The returns both went very smoothly, so I was emboldened enough to try something on for myself.
I found a sort of interesting skirt with a fringe and a sort of brocade pattern- hippie meets Victorian.
I managed to squeeze into the skirt (it was the right size, but it had this sort of absurd lining and several teirs that made it hard to figure out, as well as one of those really cheap plastic zippers that gets caught every inch or so, as you zip up).
Under the harsh lights of the dressing room, it became clear that this skirt was not meant for a middle aged, overweight woman.
I looked like a lamp that someone had thrown a scarf over in the attempt to create mood lighting, after a few too many cocktails.
I looked like Stevie Nicks after a particularly severe Dairy Queen bender.
It only got worse from there, as it seems that all bras are now made with FOAM RUBBER lining!
I wear a double DD bra, on what planet does foam rubber make sense?
I should have taken the sales girl's sunny
as a warning.