Monday, August 15, 2011

so many ways to feel like a bad person

I feel totally overwhelmed by the constant requests for my attention, my time, my presence, my opinion, my expertise, my company...

Today I realized that I had a ton of old e-mails that had been sent to my old address (even though I did tell folks the new address, but I suppose a lot of stuff is just auto piloted out without much thought.) and many of them were invitations for Freyja, which makes me feel even worse, or worser, as Miss F. would say- that is even worser than I thought.

I talk a lot about how odd modern parenting is, where there are so many organized play dates and birthday parties and fairy princess clubs and other things I am behind on keeping up with.

Maxwell was fairly easy to deal with, the preschool was small then, with lots of  people with similar lifestyles to ours, so not so much of the keeping up with the Joneses, or just plain keeping up.

With Freyja it feel like a lot of work to make it all fit together.

In fact as I sat here writing this post, I realized that I had not signed her up for her fall session of the circus class, which fills up quickly!

I stopped writing, signed her up, and my heart was racing until the receipt showed up in my in box.

Whew, another disaster averted. 

Mark and I talk about how when we were children you were mostly outside, until dinner time.  You were playing outside with neighborhood children, then later  when you got older, hanging around some central place like a part or school grounds, getting up to no good until dark.  There were no play dates and birthday parties were largely family affairs.

I had three phone calls regarding  work, tonight, and that was a pretty slow evening, compared to the way things have been lately.  Mark spent the lion's share of Sunday at the office.  He took Friday off and we spend two hours running errands, it hardly felt like time off.  

There is a drum kit sitting, boxed up,  in my living room, that Maxwell mailed home from my mother's place- he returns tomorrow with the expectation of a place for a rock band to practice.

I wonder how I will pull that one off?

Every time I turn around more, and more piles on.  I haven't picked up a book in days, I haven't slept through the night in weeks.  I just keep thinking of all the undone, and half done things I should take care of, all of the appointments I am need to make, the e-mails I need to return. 


  1. oh good heavens, start by ignoring the emails. especially mine. even though (i think) they are sent to the right address. you don't owe anybody anything.

    personally i never take electronically-sent invitations all that seriously, even though that is how my own wedding invitations were sent. i have to think, you know, people who know me and keep up with me generally speaking also keep up with their email - because otherwise, we would not still be in contact. that is my lifeline, since it's so easy to answer people in my own time via email as opposed to by phone. and also, weddings are pretty much just for people who actually enjoy them, and people who love me and like to attend weddings don't necessarily share both traits. i would never blame anyone for not showing up to a wedding, since i find them nearly universally boring myself. the only reasons to attend one are: you love the person getting wed, AND, you also love attending weddings. you can totally feel the former and not the latter. you're only going to get 3 minutes with the bride, if you're lucky, so.

    but overall, i think modern life is over-scheduled in general, just as much with the kids as it is with us. living a really over-scheduled life is not my thing, while at the moment, if i want to be employed, it's going to get over-scheduled for my taste. what can you do? but just let some things go. i never let the right things go, i don't think. case in point: i was scrubbing the shower at 9:30 p.m. last night, because I wanted to experience the joy of showering in a clean tub for a change. ::sigh::

  2. Oh, Miss Heidelfinc- please cut yourself some slack. You do everything beautifully, I wish I were half as much a domestic goddess as you. I hope that you can stop beating up on yourself, and enjoy life for what it's worth. It's all too brief!