not much of a joiner

I made the mistake, or misstep of enrolling in this newish program for "childcare professionals" that is designed to recognize all of our unrecognized hard work in a field that no one takes seriously. 
There has been a great bit of hay made over this program in the past few years, and as usual I have pretty successfully ignored it, as I am really not much of a joiner and am generally dubious about any organization that might want me for a member.
Last November I was awarded a scholarship for a piece of this program, a sort of distant cousin, and it turned out to be a pretty lovely experience, I even gained a slick certificate to post on my office wall, so I thought what the hell and went forward with my application to be further immersed.

Initially I was told that I was IN, which despite a life long hatred of organized stuff, clubs and committees and the like, felt pretty dang good.  So I mailed off a modest stack of stuff to the governmental agency overseeing things, and waited.
The first discouraging letter came about three weeks ago, followed by two more.  At first I furnished more information, provided a $10 fee and felt bad inside, for my lack of accumulated certificates and memberships to organizations and affiliations with societies and clubs.  Then I became irritated and finally I gave up, but I happened to chat with a woman that works with the program I worked with over winter and she fired up a tiny flame of hope again and I was back to photo copying and begging and pleading my case, just like that.
Today I got a e-mail from a very genuinely nice lady requesting a course description from a sociology class that I took the fall of 1988! I have no memory of the class and no clue as to where I would put my hands on an old catalog, so once again I am letting it all go and trying no to feel too foolish and done in, at not having saved my old syllabuses from the 80's, because clearly, at this point in the game I will never be able to make something of myself, even if I try!