Losing my voice

 I always lose my voice when I am stressed out...

This has been the most stressful past six months ever- really, just a constant state of relentless stress, with a barrage of things beyond our control going wrong,  

B I G 

 and

l i t t l e.

Today my new work computer was all screwy, which caused about 10 HOURS of work to be lost and I just lost it. 

Normally I am big crier, but today I was really angry  beyond tears, at the absurdity of the whole work computer situation. 

I snapped  

I did not sign up for this shit! 

I now have no voice.

I have never really understood people that punch, or throw things, but I am really starting to see the beauty in that sort of release. 

I stew, and simmer and rage on the inside until I am sick and voiceless or have a headache from crying, none of which does a bit a good. 

There are those sickeningly healthy, balanced people  that exercise away their frustration. 

That will never be me. 

I recently started a pilates class, and all it does it make me more angry.

Talking is always good for me, but I feel like I have talked the ears off my most trusted friends and I have no new spin, things are just really shitty with no end in sight.