Friday, April 17, 2009

more rambling without consequence or reason

It really was a dreary, terrible day.
More of the tantrum throwing from F. and the losing of the cool from me.

and I am tired as hell to boot.
I may never be not tired again- I think.

The past month has been like having a newborn again, with frequent night wakings. I am not coping well, and I am tired.

I feel the need to be selfish, but I can even get time to be selfish.

We wound up walking out right in the middle of ballet.

I am sure the other mothers thought I was a clod.

What they didn't know what that I had spent an hour before ballet listening to a tantrum and screaming over wearing tights. I was not in the mood for the high jinks that were taking place on the dance floor, so I picked her up and said "she is really out of sorts, I am taking her home".

At the time she was laying on the floor refusing to get up and go to the corner to start the dance.

The teacher was trying to drag her.

I was just over all the theatrical stuff and ready to leave.

You either get up and dance, or we leave.

I am not entertaining your "big emotions". We are leaving.

A woman on a tour of the preschool asked me something about "big emotions" ie, tantrums.

I am only compassionate about small, sweet emotions today, ask me again, in the morning.

The hard part is I have to go back next week and sit there in the cramped space with all these long suffering mommies and feel like the big insensitive, creep that pulled her screaming child off the dance floor.
Oh, well.


  1. I don't think putting an end to it makes you a creep. I think that's good parenting. What does she get out of it anyway if she just lies on the floor?

  2. she was totally playing the teacher too, to get her to come away from the class and give attention to F. I know the difference between when she is being shy, and needy, and when she is being a shitheal, but I really get bugged by feeling like a bad mom, it really is a big stick my kids use to beat me with.

  3. I don't think you were a bad mom. If there was no reasoning with her, and she refused to participate and was ruining the class for the other kids. Why are you so sure the other moms didn't feel for you, and were glad their kids could take the class in peace?