It is one of those days, when I can't seem to find it in my heart to cut myself any slack.
No self love, no self care...
I look within only to find my inner cupboard bare, a few zen tumble weeds blowing through, if you yelled in my soul today, you would hear an echo from the empty hollowness.
I have no good reason to feel this way.
Got some goodish news, I will be working on a project I enjoy, but the project feels bittersweet, because there was no
"Heidi I want you to do this because you are so good at it, and I value that goodness, I am happy to put this in your hands because you will do a quality job."
It was more,
"here this needs doing and you are a reasonably reliable person with a practical mind."
Why do I need to be valued by others?
Why can't I be all self contained and confident and not need propping up? Why can't I deal with the fact that no one is going to embrace me and tell me how fantastic I am, or care whether or not I am happy, or whether or not my life has meaning.
Why do I even think I should have the luxury of a meaningful life?
There are starving children in Katmandu, so who the hell am I to need meaning?
One more reason to consider therapy I suppose, or perhaps hard drugs.