Like thousands of fans, I was saddened by the news of Robin Williams death.

I have a great deal of personal experience with mental illness, depression and suicide.  It's ugly and sad and difficult and it's hurts cast a very wide net.

When my dear friend killed himself in 1985, I just wanted answers.  I still would like to know the whys.  I've written so often about this piece, this puzzle that influences the filter I see life through. 

Over the years I have taken on the role of helper, saver, prop up queen, mother, bailer out of jail.  I am often characterized as a "giving" person, but in reality, I am a selfish person that is on a very long damage control battle.