Saturday, May 8, 2010

I laughed my ASS off at David Sedaris.

It didn't start off well.

We parked a million blocks away, and I was having some kind of weird low blood sugar crisis, due to not eating either lunch or dinner.

While Mark was sneaking a final smoke outside, I was standing in the bar line, because those lines are always super long and you must prestand, if you want your over priced drink.

I said,   

go ahead and smoke, honey, I will stand on line.     

Taking that queuing bullet like a god damned war hero, while in reality,  I wanted to get away from the sidewalk crowd, and I totally wanted a drink, who am I kidding?

I used to love to smoke, before I had kids, but I was one of the smoking freaks that could socially suck down a pack at a party or concert,  then ignore cigarettes for months on end.  It used to infuriate my old boyfriend, the Russian who smoked like a chimney.

When Mark found me, I was pissed and fading from low blood sugar.

I was totally irritated because, I had just shelled out $10 for a teeny plastic cup of wine (the cup looked exactly like the kind they collect urine in, in hospitals, and  from those free pregnancy test places, I SWEAR!), before realizing there was a real bar about 20 yards away.

The "wine" was  heinous, even for me, and Mark suggested throwing it out, but the cheapskate in me, kept sipping it through the straw provided (lids are required, to avoid costly spills!), by the time I was halfway through, I was sitting on a sapphire settee in the lounge, while Mark peed.
Still having not eaten much of anything all day, the cheap wine went right my head, and as I slumped, the remarkable nap of the velveteen  sofa over took me.

damn! this is some soft fabric, 

I thought, just as one of the parents from the school where I work  walked by.


Look at the drunken preschool lady, stroking the public sofa.  

How attractive!

Mark arrived with a bag of mixed nuts and water, just in time, to help me collect myself and limp five flights to our cheap seats.

David Sedaris was  BRILLIANT.  We laughed and laughed and laughed a little more on the way home.

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