I woke up abruptly at 6:30am this morning, from a nightmare.
I dreamed that ISIS extremists had mobilized and were traveling though cities abducting young men.
They were driving around in big square buses, carting people off and killing them.
The buses were blue and gray and shaped like the buses from the 80's.
I was planning to hide Maxwell, in our attic.
I thought I could stash him in the eaves, behind the built in cupboard in my bedroom, where there isn't a back wall.
I was concerned about him falling though the ceiling into the living-room, and whether or not the bad guys would notice that the cupboard opened right into the unfinished attic.
I suppose I was counting on them thinking that the craftsmanship of the people that finished the attic in 1916, was better than it actually was.
I blame NPR for this nightmare, since I listened to a story about a large group of young Somali men leaving Minnesota to join ISIS.
I don't typically worry about terrorists, or immigrants, or the end of times type stuff. I have no idea where this came from, but it scared the shit out of me, and my heart was pounding when I woke up.
"I think we need a panic room."
I told Mark.
"Does Rosie need to pee? Why are you up?"
I was rooting around in that little cupboard, trying to see if I would fit, or at the very least, if I could push the kids through the opening.
In my dream, I thought I would offer myself, instead of Maxwell, but I wondered if the terrorists would think of it as a square deal.
I regretted my lack of weapons in my dream and wished for something more powerful than a baseball bat, to keep under my bed.
When I woke up, I thought about people that feel afraid all the time.
I almost never feel afraid in that way.
I frequently feel outraged, sad, depressed and disgusted by people, but I almost never feel like shooting anyone, to protect my child.