Two nights ago I dreamed that I was rescuing dogs from people that didn't really love them.
In actuality I was taking the dogs, stealing them, but it seemed completely good and ethical, until it dawned on me that that the dogs might not like each other.
Last night I dreamed that Mark and I had a huge warehouse, that we were remodeling to live in. It was a mess, and required a lot of work. In the middle of all this work, a former friend of Maxwell's came in.
I yelled at him, "I treated you like my own child for ten years, how could you betray us?". He needed a place to stay. I let him stay, but I was angry.
It was a mildly cathartic dream.
When I woke up I felt more hopeful than I had in weeks.
I can be a little mafiaish on the subject of loyalty.
My friend Dom called the other night and I said "I feel like people are judging me for quitting my job."
"No one is judging you.
I am not judging you, at least.
You are the classic underachiever though, that is true", she said, and it didn't offend me, because she is right and she knows me well enough to say so.
I felt slightly better.
My friend Jenny said "being authentic means saying hard things sometimes." I am usually not very good at saying hard things.
I usually say nothing, when it comes to hard things. I am a failure when it comes to hard things in my personal life, ironically, I am excellent at dealing with hard things professionally and solving other people's hard things.
I've been doing a little side work, a little technical writing and a little consulting.
"you need to do less. A LOT less." I told a teacher I am mentoring.
She told me she slept well for the first time in months, after I left. After I officially gave her permission to do less.
It made me feel better to help.
"I know you, you need to do something where you think you are making a difference." Is what Mark said, when I suggested that I would just work in an office someplace.
He frequently gives me permission to do less. It is one of the things he does best.